The Perfect Faces for Radio

When long-time Jays radio announcer Jerry Howarth calls games, he tends to come off a little beige. I always thought he was something of a wholesome optimist with a taste for bad puns and firmly towing the company line.

Well, OK. I actually always thought that he was secretly a pervy little shit who, between innings, probably uses a mirror on a stick to look down the shirts of the women in the stands below the broadcast booth.

What’s that, you say? But you love Jerry? Well, I do too, but let’s not fucking kid ourselves here. And I mean, I’m not saying that he wants to diddle little boys or anything, he’s just kind of like the guy in your office who “secretly” whacks off in the bathroom stall to the models in the Grand and Toy catalogue.

Just picture him with a moustache and you’ll understand what I’m saying.

Anyway, it took about 12 seconds of today’s Fan590 interview with Chuck Swirsky to change all of that. And what I mean is: it ain’t no secret.

High-quality investigative journalist that he is, Swirsky stumbled upon this little nugget: Jerry is a religious viewer of Desperate Housewives.

Before listeners even realized that Jerry was on the line, Chuck launched into this, prodding Howarth, asking what it is that keeps him tuning in to that kind of program. With a laugh, Jerry said, “I’ll give you one guess.”

Awkward silence, then: “Those good lookin’ women on there.” Followed quickly by a forced, “And they can act, too.”

Sure, Jerry. Sure. I forgot you were a thespian.

Furthermore, Jerry’s usual pasty, beige exterior was more deeply stripped with some genuine baseball chat. Specifically, Swirsky asked him about possible trade scenarios involving the Blue Jays being sellers at the trade deadline.

When Troy Glaus’s name came up, Jerry admitted that he’d move him for a solid, veteran #3 or #4– “No worse than #4″– starter, who could win you “twelve, maybe fifteen games.”

That’s it??? What? I mean, I can’t exactly disagree, but holy shit, I’m guessing Troy doesn’t join Jerry down at Alice Fazooli’s for some post-game grub and womanizing very often.