Josh Hancock: Poor Genes Cause of Death

It turns out that Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock’s recent, and incredibly banal death has been made at least slightly more interesting by the fact that it turns out that he came from a family of retards who should never have been allowed to operate a motor vehicle, let alone hire a lawyer.

To prove that bad genes were the cause of young Josh’s death, Hancock’s grieving father has gone to the trouble of filing a lawsuit against the restaurant his son went to for a few more drinks before getting back into his car, busting out the ol’ cell phone, hammering his SUV (which later had marijuana discovered in it) up to about Mach 5 and then plowing it into a parked vehicle at the side of a Missouri highway.

And as if that does not sound like the actions of the most cunt faced piece of human shit you’ve heard all week, it gets better…

The suit also names as defendants: the driver of the tow truck that his shitfaced asshole medicore pitcher of a son plowed into, and the driver of the car that had stalled at the side of the road and called the tow truck (that this fucking bag of decomposing human rectal tissue’s son plowed into while completely obliterated, on his cell phone, and speeding in an SUV with marijuana in it).

Mr. Hancock, I am sorry for the loss of your son, but please eat shit and die you fucking disgusting, greedy, ass-faced cocksucking slime ball. Fuck you.

Yours,
The Drunk Jays Fans