Rays' Pitching Coach Wins MLB's Most White Trash Story of the Year Award on the Last Day of the Season

I don’t know how many of you out there are actually in the city of Toronto, or any major city, but if you are, you probably understand being washed over with feelings of dread and impending doom when you’re on your way out of town– especially if your destination is a shit hole. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been on a Greyhound making its way through downtown to the Don Valley Parkway, looking at all the activity, the girls, the places to get drunk, and feeling absolutely sick about leaving it behind. And that’s when I’m only going to be gone for like two days.

Well, if you’re like that, we’ve got somebody else to join the club– Devil Rays hitting coach Jim Hickey.

Seems that ol’ Diamond Jim was so distraught at the prospect of leaving our fair city that he decided to get fucking obliterated on the Rays’ charter flight home after Sunday’s season finale. This happened in spite of the fact that, in the wake of Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock’s chromosome-related death, the Rays stopped providing alcohol on their flights home– which means that at some point Hickey must have loaded up at the LCBO.

The Rays got to St. Petersburg and headed straight for the Trop to pack up some things. And then shit got crazy…

“Around 11 p.m., an undercover officer saw him run his silver pickup into the back of a green pickup at First Avenue S and 16th Street, in front of Tropicana Field.

The green pickup was driven by a Devil Rays bat boy, Matthew Felix Carlson, who had been at the stadium unpacking equipment. Both were stopped at a traffic light on 16th Street S; Carlson, 18, of Brandon, was not hurt.

Carlson pulled his ’98 Chevrolet S10 pickup truck to the side of the road, police said, but Hickey took off toward Interstate 275. The officer followed him up Interstate 275 and communicated with other officers, who stopped him north of Gandy Boulevard.

Hickey pulled over at Gandy Boulevard for police Officer Steven W. Sprout but then tried to put the car in gear and drive away, according to a police arrest affidavit. Hickey refused to get out of the car, police said, and was brought out by officers. He stumbled when he got out of the car and fell to the ground.

Hickey tensed his muscles and put his hands under his chest after falling down on his face, police said. He refused to remove his hands, but police eventually managed to get his arms out and handcuff him.

Hickey had a strong odor of alcohol, his speech was slurred and he swayed and appeared disoriented, the police report said. He refused to take a Breathalyzer or a blood test, which automatically results in a one-year suspension of his license.”