Morons, More Morons and Just Enough Codeine to Give You That Pop

Shit Tickets
OK, let’s clear up this ticket horseshit a little. A lot of people seem to be unconcerned about the Jays plan to offer single-game tickets to fans in Boston and Detroit before putting them up for sale to the general public in Toronto. In way, they’re right. There almost certainly won’t be any sort of revolt over this. The fifteen thousand or so fans who actually show up regularly at Rogers Centre have weathered enough shitty baseball and Ryan Greer fuckfaces over the years to have proven their blind loyalty, regardless of whatever bullshit the front office tries to pull.

Yeah, it’s a nifty little cash grab. And no, opening day won’t available to the Massholes. And true, nobody has said whether the Detroit and Boston fans will be restricted to certain seats (when the fucking Jays offer them single game tickets before the general public in Toronto). And the crowds for those games always feature a ton of visiting fans anyway. Plus, the twelve fans who subscribe to some Jays mailing list are apparently getting the same privilege. So is this really such a big deal?

In a word: fuck yes.

Largely, it’s the principle of the goddamn thing. We grudgingly accept that fans of other teams are going to flock here– especially when their own tickets are difficult to obtain. That’s fine. In fact, I’d probably think this was an excellent idea if the visiting fans weren’t being offered tickets first. But that’s just it! What the fuck is that about? Why should I have shittier seats than a bunch of fucking Massholes? Why should the fans closest to the field be booing our players? I mean… fuck off!

And the argument that every ticket sold helps the team just doesn’t fly with me. Why did people rave about the atmosphere at BMO Field all last summer? It certainly wasn’t because of the product on the field. It was because the whole stadium sang and cheered in unison.

That’s the kind of atmosphere every team should strive for. Telling your own fans to take a backseat while you sell tickets to the visitors first is really fucking obviously not the way to get there.

The Star Hits Mid-Season Form
Holy fuck. I’ll be honest with you, there’s a part of me that really thinks my shitting on Dick Griffin thing is getting a bit tired, and is maybe even a bit too rude. But then there are days when I read something of his that is just so fucking idiotic that I can’t let it pass without comment. I know that I shouldn’t, and I know that in a week I’ll look back at it and think, Jeez, Stoeten, do you really need to give ol’ Griff such a hard time? For fuck sakes, you only disagree about baseball, is this kind of response seriously necessary?

In a word: fuck yes.

Granted, the comment that provoked today’s subject may not have been actually written by Griffin. It’s from the Star’s Jays Preview piece, which is credited to Griffin, Cathal Kelly, and Mark Zwolinski. But come on!… it’s trademark Griff.

WHY DID THE JAYS TRY SO HARD TO GET RID OF ALEX RIOS, THEIR ONLY ALL-STAR?

Why do lemmings feel obliged to plunge off a cliff? It makes no sense, yet they do it year after year. When Carlos Delgado was their best player, the Jays couldn’t wait to get rid of him. When Wells replaced Delgado as their top talent, the team tried for two years to pawn him off before finally giving up and signing him long-term. Now that Alex Rios has established himself, Toronto tried to trade him for Brad Penny in ’06 and Tim Lincecum last season. Both efforts ultimately failed, so they will sign him long-term. The common thread is that none of the three were drafted or signed by the current regime.

I’d pick apart more of the entire article, but this is really the pièce de résistance. I mean, holy shit!…

1) Why did they try so hard? You mean that one trade offer that they left in the Giants hands for a little over a week? Yeah, they really went fucking nuts trying to offer him around.

2) It makes no sense? Jesus. Rather than letting me explain again how the Lincecum offer exactly mades sense, maybe go look at some Giants blogs and note the reaction their fans had to the proposal. They basically went apeshit over the idea of offering their young ace (and his two additional years of control) for Rios. What might this tell us?

3) Carlos fucking Delgado??? So you’re saying the Jays wouldn’t have been better off by trading him? Because that’s what it looks like you’re saying. And that would make you a retard.

4) So wait a second… does Griffin think JP was right to sign Vernon long-term? It sure as fuck sound like it, doesn’t it? How else are we supposed to take that? If it was a mistake to try to trade him, then it was good to sign him long term. Right? Well, stop the fucking presses! Griffin agrees with something the Jays did! And now we can all breathe easy knowing that we’ll have seven years of Griffin not bitching about Vernon’s contract– because, I mean, if he ever did, he’d be completely full of shit, and how could one of the most respected baseball writers in the country possibly be full of shit?

5) The common thread is that none of the three were drafted or signed by the current regime? Well fuck. I guess that’s why they’ve tried so hard to trade Roy Halladay, eh you fucking idiot?

How does this pass for knowledgeable baseball commentary in this city?

From the 8% Codeine Never Hurt Anybody Department…

Hey, Chris Berman likes coming to Toronto! I’d tell you why, but it’s much more fun to hear him explain it himself!