What the hell is this strange sensation I’ve been feeling the last couple nights? Something about it feels vaguely familiar– I can’t quite put my finger on it– but right now I’m kinda afraid to think through it enough to give it shape, lest it vanish when finally I make the decisive grope towards it. Kinda like everything else I do that to. (Zing! Self-depre-zing!-precation!)
Whatever the fuck it is, it can’t possibly be right. Maybe it’s a stroke?
But I guess, like any other night, I should probably make some kind of comment on Wednesday’s Jays game, regardless of whatever strange sensations I might be feeling– like the odd compulsion to turn out the lights while I write and then mention that Satanic Majesties is probably exactly the right album for this room right now, which I’m sure precisely nobody cares about.
Yeah, so Matty Stairs! Ho-lee fuck! That was a little fucking awesome in the first inning… I only wish that– and far be it from me to shit on Halliday, especially on his birthday– I could have just relaxed for the next three hours like a normal fan of a team who hits a grand slam in the first inning.
But noooooo. Of course, the Jays had to cough it up a little. Even Roy’s overwhelming amazingness wasn’t enough to overcome the Baseball Gods’ twisted need to watch us squirm. . .
But whatever, right? They won!
And how about Scott fucking Rolen, the Greatest Blue Jay of Ever? On JaysTalk Wilner said he’d seen something like 68 pitches in the last three games. That’s, like, more than Vernon Wells sees most months. Heyo!
But seriously,… just how fucking hurt was this guy the last few years? I mean, if this is who he is, I’d like to think that if I were a Cards fan I might have been kinda OK with waiting out some injuries and some pouting, instead of,… y’know… welcoming Troy Glaus with open arms.
Am I wrong?
(Plus, now that our friend Ian has pointed out that Rolen appears to have taken his stance straight out of Bases Loaded, he may have somehow become even more awesome.)
The Green Jays?
I don’t know how the fuck somebody with an environmentalist website can come out and say the non-stop, juice-sucking howl of the blaring monument to energy wastage that is the Rogers Centre is somehow an “industry leader” in being eco-friendly… but they did it!
I guess the people at Green Daily know better than I do, but it just seems kind of… odd.
Among the initiatives the liars down at 1 Blue Jays Way claim to be working on: installing solar panels on the building, and cooling the building with deep lake water. I guess that’s cool and all (zing!), and like I say, I sort of know fuck all about this stuff… but my gut tells me that I wouldn’t exactly be chalking up that concrete piece of shit as a victory for the environment just yet.
I know we kind of shit on Batter’s Box from time to time for being a little, er… less colourful than we prefer. But I’ve got to give them credit for a really interesting piece on the ocupational bloodlines of all of the GM’s in the majors. Good stuff.
And speaking of interesting Jays bloggage, our friend John Brattain– shameless plug: who just appeared on our second podcast, which is now available at theScore.com, like it will be every Monday– threw an nod our way in his latest piece for the Hardball Times, where he calls out the Jays’ passive approach at the plate and how it has contributed to their RISP woes. (And maybe us for not knowing what the hell we’re talking about.)
(P.S. You can still send podcast feedback or questions for next week’s mail bag to email@example.com.)
OK… so I have to admit that I shit on the Rays pretty good leading up to the start of this season, and while I still don’t at all believe that they’re going to be able to sustain their position for another 120 games, they definitely look better sooner than I was prepared to believe. Now comes word that they’ve extended their ace, Scott Kazmir, who hasn’t even been playing most of the season to this point (and who I’ve had in my AL-Only keeper pool since he debuted, and is pretty much fucking nails). Fuck!
I hate to say it– and yeah, I realize that it’s because they’ve got some great draft picks because they’ve been shit forever, but still…– this team looks like it’s not that far away from being seriously scary good, if they keep their shit together. And, of course, if they find a way to stop playing Shitske.
What the Fuck?
Did anybody else notice tonight that Matt “Tom” Tolbert comes to the plate to the fucking Cranberries? That’s… well, … that’s just too easy…