Boners Up: DJF 2009 Podcast #14 (Guest: Kieran Roy)

artscrafts

Ahoy hoy everybody. Fancy seeing you here. Yes, I’m still alive. But don’t worry, I’m not going to actually write anything about baseball. I’d rather just quietly seethe as Jamie Campbell calls the Yankees’ near-comback against the Jays in New York with all the excitement in his voice of a lifelong fan… of the cocksucking Yanks.

(Note: Thank fuck you suck so incredibly hard, Shitske.)

(Double note: Holy shit, I almost broke my neck doing a double-take at how fucking quickly Sportsnet cut from the game to some bullshit this-was-mildly-entertaining-four-years-ago poker thing.)

Oh, and I’m also here to announce that we’ve got another podcast up for your listening pleasure—and I use the term loosely, considering how things have gone during the last week since we posted one. This week we welcome (I may also use that term loosely) Kieran Roy, a huge Jays fan, and the General Manager—or something like that—of Arts & Crafts records.

As always, the podcast is available at The Score, or through iTunes.

Musical accompaniment: Pussycat Dolls f. Snoop Dogg Bottle Pop, The Thermals Returning to the Fold, Slow Club Sunday, Blitzen Trapper God & Suicide, The Kooks Jackie Big Tits, Beatnuts Watch Out

Hazy Sunday Game Threat: Oh man, you're fucking shitting me

Alright, so I hate being the pessimist and everything but I think most of you also guessed who the game was going to once we hit extra innings yesterday. I was glad to get to watch some of the game but after the heart of the order was retired one-two-three in the 10th inning, we decided it was really for the best that we head out to the park, play some catch and enjoy the glorious weather. Our buddy had a radio with him and you know, there’s something just a bit less heartbreaking to picking out that Jays lost via radio than having your eyes glued to the TV watching every play only to have it end in disaster. It was a bummer of a game. And confusing as fuck, too, with both teams sporting red caps. The Yankees so that they ship another billion units in merchandise, the Jays cause they’ve interpreted our national holiday as Canada Week I imagine.

As if to just give us an extra kick in the nuts, the Jays will be starting Brett Cecil today. Don’t get me wrong, I like Cecil and all, don’t have a problem with him pitching. But it’s cause Scott Richmond has joined the disabled list. No, really. Yeah, you probably already knew that. Something a bit weird about a guy getting a shot at it due to injuries only to get injured himself. It’s even more of a bummer cause, I don’t know about you, but I always get a kick out of Richmond pitching. He’s definitely a guy to root for and his performance this year has been pretty inspiring to watch. Hopefully it’s a short stint and he’ll be back in fine form by the all-star break.

Yeah, no really, it’s all going to be fine. If Cecil gets hurt then maybe we’ll just put BJ Ryan in a starter’s role? And call Leon Boyd up? Nails! It’ll all be fine. Oh, and Cito Gaston had good news about Scott Down! He’s feeling good! Wow! … What the fuck is going on with the fucking pitching on this team? Who do we point the finger at? Has Arnsberg forsaken us or just God?

I guess at one point you just have to throw in the towel and tell yourself not to get excited anymore. I realize that I might just be a few weeks behind most of you on that one. I’m going to have to agree with commentor Berkamp when he said…

:( no playoffs, we’re not making it this year guys.

The truth hurts.

Go Jays, anyway. Give us this one. If only just cause I really don’t like Joba.
Toronto Blue Jays

Scutaro – ss
Hill – 2b
Lind – lf
Rolen – 3b
Overbay – 1b
Wells – cf
Rios – rf
Dellucci – dh
Chavez – c

New York Yankees

Jeter – ss
Damon – lf
Teixeira – 1b
Posada – c
Matsui – dh
Swisher – rf
Cano – 2b
Cabrera – cf
Ransom – 3b

Saturday Game Threat: Jays (42-39) vs. Dickfucks (46-33)

I’d be a hypocrite to take up too much of your time here. I gotta head out and frankly so do you. It’s a beautiful day outside and you should drag your ass out there to enjoy at least one cold beverage in the sun. Sure, I’d like to watch the game. But sometimes, three hours of our life spent in the dark while there’s cleavage to be seen outside can be a bit sad. The Blue Jays have been taking up enough of our time and mental stability lately, we all deserve a quick victory.

Joe Girardi, Halladay likes to get things done quickly. There’ll be none of this runs scored on walks nonsense going on today. He doesn’t appreciate waiting while you futilely go to the mound and change pitchers in hopes of trying to improve the situation. The man has told his wife, Brandy, that catching a matinee show at 3 p.m. today shouldn’t be a problem. And it really shouldn’t. Just send Josh Towers Chien-Wing Wang out there today and once we score a run on him just concede that this one’s not going anywhere.

As the Post’s Jeremy Sandler rightfully points out, things aren’t looking so rosy for the Jays after yesterday’s heartwrecker. Three games above .500. We’re seven games back of the Red Sox. And Cito is summing up the first half of the season as “average.”

But you know what, we’re five games back of the Yankees, current Wild Card leader. So it’s simple really, just beat the shit out of the Yankees the next three games and get back in this thing. It’s almost too easy. Get ‘er started, Doc.

Go Jays!

P.S. How about Wells going 2-4 with a double and dinger hitting in sixth? Playoffs!

Game Threat: Jays (42-38) @ Stankees (45-33)

I’ve got to make this a quick game threat today, which is kind of a shame because, as expected, Vernon Wells is finally—finally—hitting lower in the lineup, plus David Dellucci is up from the minors to fill the important job of shitty DH who frustrates us all for god knows how fucking long.

Brian Tallet (5-5, 4.47) takes on Roy Halladay’s bitch, AJ Burnett (6-4, 3.93), and for those of you who aren’t near a TV, or if you’re watching the cocksucking tape delayed bullshit NBC is pulling with this Roddick-Murray match, and need to follow along, I’ll be live blogging this one over at The Score.

Hat tip to Joanna over at Hum and Chuck for the awesome pic.

Toronto Blue Jays

M. Scutaro ss
A. Hill 2b
A. Lind dh
S. Rolen 3b
L. Overbay 1b
V. Wells cf
A. Rios rf
D. Dellucci lf
R. Chavez c

Woo Work Wankees

D. Jeter ss
J. Damon lf
M. Teixeira 1b
A. Rodriguez 3b
R. Cano 2b
N. Swisher rf
H. Matsui dh
F. Cervelli c
B. Gardner cf